His GF’s Dad is Verbally Abusive

Dear Joey, I’m worried about my girlfriend because her father loses his temper a lot and calls her a whore, or worse. She’s not. We’ve never even had sex. Her mother doesn’t stop him. She tells my girlfriend not to take it personally. My girlfriend can’t move out. We’re in high school. I feel like our relationship consists of her telling me about her dad yelling at her, and me trying to get her to stop crying. What can I say to help her? Your girlfriend’s father is verbally abusing her. Some adults lack self-awareness and fail to understand the concept of projection. It’s a defense mechanism in which a person unconsciously assigns his own ugly attitudes, fears or behaviors as belonging to someone else. A father who calls his daughter “a whore” is signaling his own sexual discomfort and emotional immaturity. His daughter’s ease in accepting herself may frighten him. It’s likely that he has never integrated his own sexuality in a healthy, life-giving way. Your girlfriend\’s father is stuck. Her mother doesn\’t have a backbone. Your girlfriend is lucky to have you. But just listening to her cry doesn\’t help her or you. It\’s time to take action. Notify a counselor or another trusted adult at your school right away, and insist that they intervene. Do it even if your girlfriend doesn\’t want you to. The situation can only get better if he\’s held accountable for his behavior. ©JoeyGarcia. All Rights Reserved. Joey Garcia coaches teens and adults to have healthier, more satisfying relationships in every area of their lives. Since 1996, she\’s written the Ask Joey advice column in the Sacramento News & Review newspaper. She is also the Relationship Expert for KTXL-TV.