Dear Joey,
I am completely alone, lonely, depressed and have no real friends. When I reach out to people, they don’t reach back. It feels like no one will ever love me or care about me. I never married, have no kids and my parents are deceased. I work remotely for an out-of-state company and just found out I will be laid off at the end of June. I feel frozen and unable to deal with finding another job. Please help, I\’m falling apart.
Here I am, reaching back to you. I can’t become your best or only friend. I can’t hang out with you to save you from your loneliness, either. But I will tell you things a caring friend would: You are in charge of creating a life that brings you joy and fulfillment. That doesn’t mean you will never feel sorrow, stress, heartbreak, fear or frustration. The process of creation is messy and includes every emotion—ask any maker who is honest. And yes, life includes periods when everything is topsy-turvy. These times can be hard to face and harder to endure—and yet each experience is also a juicy invitation to muster the courage to find one thing—no matter how teensy—that is exactly as it should be. Focus your attention on that thread of goodness. Be grateful until you remember that feeling empowered is possible for you.
Take time every day to be sweet to yourself, too. Cook a favorite farm-to-fork meal, hike to your happy place, read an inspirational book like
The War of Art by Steven Pressfield (a procrastination cure),
The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer (to free your spirit) or my book,
When Your Heart Breaks, It\’s Opening to Love to move beyond heartbreak and into heart-centered self-healing. Or be still and experience your divine connection to Source. Small gestures of self-compassion are reminders that we are not alone. Each of us lives in a world of our own creation and in a world we co-construct along with our billions of brothers and sisters on the planet and in partnership with all of creation. Remember, you are a part of a community much bigger than the one you live in.
Be open to finding good things about your job situation. For one, you can now decide whether you prefer to work in-person, instead of remotely. It might nourish you to spend your day with others—with a caveat. Be happy when co-workers include you and take no offense when they leave you out. See the latter as the universe inviting you to enjoy time alone. Humbly, take the cue. Becoming your own best friend is one of the kindest, most compassionate acts of service you can perform.
Joey Garcia began writing the Ask Joey column in the Sacramento News & Review newspaper in 1996. She\’s helped thousands of people recover from broken hearts, loneliness, affairs, divorce and other losses, guiding them to rediscover their passion and purpose in life. She is a certified life coach, meditation teacher and yoga teacher who offers workshops online and at retreat centers worldwide. Email her here.
